Zombies/Zombie Vampires and You

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
by conarm

The best movies are zombie/ zombie vampire movies.

There are a ton of movie types; comedy, drama, westerns, actions, romance, children’s movies, fantasy, mystery, adventure, as well as countless others. But Horror movies focused on zombies or a zombie vampire combination are the best. These movies are usually terrible in overall theatric value but have crazy scenes filled with violence and just absurd action sequences. Dawn of the Dead, Resident Evil(s), The Night of the Living Dead, for the most part any George Romero movie, 30 Days of Night and my favorite the parody, Shawn of the Dead, are prime examples of the greatness of zombie movies. You laugh, you hide under the blanket in terror, either way you love the movie. Nothing beats that kind of movie. And always that movie is a zombie movie. You will find the ridiculous scenes hilarious, or petrifying, either way, awesome. If you do not watch Zombie Movies you should start. These movies have a ton of unanswered questions. I am going to attempt to answer some.

How come zombies and vampires are getting stronger?

If you start with The Night of the Living Dead, the zombie’s strength was limited their numbers. A ton of slow moving zombies compared with today’s zombies, the old school ones were nothing. It’s like daddy long legs spiders. When you are a kid you like “oh no a spider” scream run away maybe crying, but when you are older it’s just like “oh psh daddy long legs.” Seriously, you have to be pretty slow, and/or stupid to get bitten by an old school zombie. Really now, old School Zombies, are not anything to be afraid. Today it’s the super zombie. The mutations got stronger. Who the hell keeps this virus in a jar, the CDC? Well, whoever they are, they are failing miserably at controlling this. These new zombies or zombie vampires have some ridiculous, super-powered, herculean, strength. In Dawn of the Dead they could chase down cars, get nailed by the same car, really just receive a total beating and still keep on being a flesh eating machine. They could destroy anything with their zombie bodies. They would lose a limb and still be coming after you. A zombie could have just a torso and they would still bite at your ankles. In 30 Days of Night, you are messing with Zombie Vampires. These guys are unstoppable. You are pretty much fighting a Usain Bolt COMBINED with a Tito Ortiz AND Stephen Hawkin’s brain. These guys planned the hell out of their attack, and physically just dominated anyone involved. Zombie Vampires could probably get a perfect score on the SATs and cure any disease. Too bad they are vicious killing machines. One vampire zombie is terrifying enough but these guys use their numbers too. If Zombie Vampires come to your town, game over, you lose. No questions.

Horror movie dialogue is pretty awesome at times. Then it’s terrible.

This goes beyond zombies and zombie vampires. Some movies have great villain dialogue. Then others just make you angry. Dee Snider’s Strangeland is a prime explain of terrible dialogue. Dee Snider was the villain who took prisoners and just tortured them. The dialogue that was created for him was cheesy and a pathetic attempt to be poetic. Then the Saw series takes the cake on this. The villain has simple, beautifully written dialogue. The message is clear and totally sweet. In Zombie movies you get moans and groans of the Zombies. you also get the comic relief from the characters involved but for the most part it is just painfully awful obvious naration. At least in the majority. 30 days of Night used a variety of screeches and what I am guessing is Latin or like Vampirean. Who knows? Either way it’s pretty awesome. The zombie vampires just use their words to scare the bejesus out of who they are going to kill. No one is sparred. Unfair yes, but nonetheless thematically awesome.

Questionable practice – should you be a hero in a zombie movie?

Now this is a tough topic. It all depends on the zombies you’re fighting. If you zombies are like Shawn of the Dead zombies, you go outside have a blast, maybe lose a friend or two, but you’ll have a story to tell friends. The Night of the Living Dead, go outside with a baseball bat, be like Big Papa and hit away. But if they are like the latest version of Dawn of the Dead, or 30 Days of Night, you cannot really win that one. The hero usually dies, like the rest of the characters. If you are in this terrible dilemma, have your fun. Choose you strategy based on the overall killing ability of your attackers. The audience will love you, but you probably lose.

Nothing is scarier than a zombie kid.

Wow. Children as zombies. Latest version Dawn of the Dead, ZOMBIE BABY. Utterly terrifying. Its just a little baby but its scarier than finding out that an exorcist happened in the room you sleep in. If you have ever seen the movie you know it is a heart stopping little monster. Then in 30 Days of Night, had a totally horrifying, debatable if it scars you for life, little zombie vampire girl. She just haunts my dreams. But these little zombie children are just like real kids except they are even quicker are harder to catch, until you them. Once you catch them you are easily able to get rid of them with not to much effort. Overall just avoid zombie kids.

What we learn.

If Zombies attack, don’t get bit, and have a little fun killing them. You might not live through the movie, so at least give the audience a show.

Photo Credit: aziritt

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