Sports

Lacrosse vs. Baseball

Friday, March 5th, 2010
by Derek McAdam

The game of lacrosse is full of creativity, teamwork, and flow.  The game of baseball is full of out of shape, overpaid, loners.  People say baseball has gained its popularity because it has been around for over a century.  “America’s pastime” as it is referred to. On the other hand, lacrosse is the oldest sport in the world.   The Native Americans wandering the Americas playing lacrosse long before Christopher Columbus discovered the west, and certainly before the first pitch was thrown.

Lacrosse was created to give Native American tribes conditioning and strength for war.  They would play on fields miles long to raise their level of endurance.  They used rocks to shoot into the net and used sticks mad of oak to defend their goals.  Baseball was created to give lazy people something to do.  It is something that they can say they are doing while they are actually doing nothing.  I think the kid sitting at home playing on his Xbox gets a better workout than the right fielder on a baseball field.

The personalities of lacrosse players are second to none.  Certainly not second to baseball players.  A lacrosse player has been now referred to as a “Lax Bro.”  There have even been YouTube videos inspired by this personality.  The personality is full of “bro-like” qualities.  Baseball players have never heard of the quote, “You gotta look good to play good.”  Baseball players have no style:

One, their ¾ shirts.  To me it looks like they can’t make up their mind if they are hot or cold.

Two, sunglasses on top of the hat.  They think it looks good to have the shades on the brim of the hat.  Meanwhile, the player supposedly full if swag with his ¾ shirt and his sunglasses on his hat can’t catch the routine fly ball because the sun is in his eyes.  You would think he would have enough common sense to put the sunglasses on his eyes while he is in the field but nope, gotta be full of swag at all times.  How is that working out for the outfielder that loses the fly ball in the sun and then looks like a complete idiot?

Three, Phiten necklaces.  Most baseball players where these necklaces because they are suppose to reduce pain because of the titanium band inside of the necklace.  How does that work for Ken Griffey Jr. who seems to pull his hamstring every game after he gets off the 60-day disabled list?  David Ortiz was on the D.L. forever because of, what was it, an in-grown toenail?  Give me a break.  I’m sorry but some necklaces work and some don’t, and Phiten necklaces certainly don’t.

Speaking of Big Slopi or Big Papi, whatever the slob is referred to.  Here is an idol of a lot of baseball players.  Big Slopi hits .238 with 28 home runs and is suppose to be a power hitter?  For $13,000,000 I should be getting a lot more than the Mendoza line.  Here is a player who, at minimum gets 4 at-bats a game and returns to the dugout.  Usually he gets one hit and runs to first base and gets thrown out because he is to slow to carry his own feet.  Here is the famous DH.  The designated hitter.  You get a few at-bats and call it a day.  What a life $13,000,000 to sit on the bench and watch a baseball game.

Speaking of more slobs in baseball, the great Babe Ruth.  The fat slob would eat hotdogs during the game, as if he didn’t eat enough out of the ballpark.  David Wells was listed at 248 lbs. while he pitched for the Red Sox.  248?  There are linemen in the NFL that weigh less than that.  This enforces the point that baseball players are out of shape people with no swag.

To go watch a professional baseball game you have to mortgage your home to afford nosebleed seats.  The infamous hotdog at a baseball game is $9.50.  Your beer is an even $13.00.  You can enjoy your $22.50 snack sitting next to another out of shape baseball fan while you hold your binoculars to watch the pitches.  At a professional lacrosse game you can enjoy the game with good, cheap food and comfortable seats as you watch a great sport.

Lacrosse and baseball are two different sports with two different personalities.  Baseball players choose to follow Big Slopi and the Babe while lax bros follow the way of people like Brantford Whinstonworth and Floseidon.  To me, you’re a lax bro or a pansy*.

To see more fat baseball players go to the link here.

Popularity: 1% [?]